Death comes to everyone
by InsanityInside
Summary: ... what happens when he comes to the HP characters? HPDiscworld crossover, kind of...
1. professor Binns

_I've been having trouble writing stories lately. It's not really a writer's block, actually it's more like the opposite, I guess. You see, I've got so many ideas (at least one Discworld fic, two and a half HP fics and about three or four crossovers…) I can't concentrate on one for long enough to write something…_

_But I can try…_

_Disclaimer: not mine (wow, that was original, eh?)_

**1. prof. Binns**

Professor Binns opened his eyes. 'I must have fallen asleep again,' he thought. This tended to happen a lot recently. Many people thought it was because the History teacher was growing old. He didn't agree of course. He was only 124 years old. Many wizards lived longer than that.(1) He had just realised recently, that he liked to take a nap between the lessons sometimes. That's all. Well, all right, maybe that's not _all_. Maybe he wasn't exactly young any more. So what? He was a _teacher_. A _History_ teacher. His job was mostly about talking. How can you possibly be too old for _that_?

Anyway…

He he looked at the clock. What time was it? Oh dear! Had he really slept that long? He was almost late for a lesson. Professor Binns got up quickly. 'See?' he thought 'I'm not old. If I can get up from that armchair so fast, I'm definitely not old!' He began to walk towards the door, feeling, for some unknown reason, that something was wrong, like he had forgotten something, or as if he was leaving something behind. 'No!' he said to himself 'I did _not_ forget anything! There's nothing wrong with my memory! No matter what all those young people say. Why should I listen to them anyway?… Oh… Right… Dippet is the Headmaster… But the others? That new Transfiguration teacher, what's his name? Doublefork or something? How dare he say… ?'

PROFESSOR BINNS? asked a voice behind him. It was a very strange voice. It spoke in capital letters. Most people would be scared or at least shocked if they heard that voice speaking their names in that way, but professor Binns wasn't. This was not because he was particularly brave. He just had other things on his mind at the moment and hardly noticed that the voice sounded strange.

'Yes, that's me,' he said 'ButI haven't gottime for this.'

OH, I AM SURE YOU HAVE, the voice told him.

'I do?' Binns asked.

YOU HAVE FOREVER.

Professor Binns turned around. The owner of the voice was very tall. And _extremely_ thin. Skinny wasn't the right word, though… More like… _bony_… He was wearing a black cloak and most of his face was hidden under a hood. But the part that was visible certainly did look _bony_. He was grinning. He looked as if it was impossible for him not to grin. And it was _not_ beause he was a very cheerful person.He was holding a scythe in one hand and an hourglass in the other. All this did not make much of an impression on the teacher.

'No, I don't,' he said and looked at the clock again 'I have two minutes.'

WELL, YOU COULD ALSO SAY THAT YOUR TIME HAS ALREADY RAN OUT. BUT AT THE SAME TIME YOU HAVE MORE TIME THAN YOU EVER DID.

'What was that all about?' Binns was confused.

TIME IS JUST ANOTHER DIMENTION. HUMAN BEINGS ARE FORCED TO MOVE IN ONE DIRECTION ALL THEIR LIVES. FOR ME, HOWEVER…

'I really don't have time for this, young man,' Binns interrupted 'I have a class to teach.'

The stranger sighed and his scythecut the line of blue light between the Professor Binns in the armchair and the Professor Binns who was just leaving the room through a wall.

'What was that all about?' the teacher thought, gliding along the corridor to his classroom 'And why do I feel like I'm leaving something behind?'. He flew absent-mindedly through the door. 'And why are those students looking at me as if they've just seen a ghost?' And then he realised he'd forgotten to open the door…

* * *

(1) Many wizards also lived much shorter than that, he knew. He taught History after all, and History is all about wars. And wars are all about people living _much_ shorter than 124 years. But those people were not _old_ when they died, were they? 


	2. Nicholas and Pernelle Flamel

_Hey! Wrote this last night (: The idea about Molly sounds fun. I might write it too. Oh yeah. And the one about Wormtail has already been written. It's somewhere near the end of my other fic,_ HP and the Spawn of Satan_. You might want to see that too :D_

_II(:_

**2. Nicholas and Pernelle Flamel**

'Say goodbye to our friends'

'Check'

'All of them? Are you sure, Nicholas?'

'Yes, I am'

'All right… Write our wills'

'Check'

'Destroy the Stone'

'Check. Although I am not sure we should have done it…'

'I thought we agreed on that?'

'Yes, Pernelle, dear. But I do not mean dying. I don't mind that. I'm just not sure we should have destroyed the Stone.'

'Better destroy it than let Voldemort or some other fool of a dark lord use it.'

'You might be right. But it was my greatest invention. And now that I have destroyed it, what will be left of us after we die?'

'Oh, Nicholas! You have been immortal for nearly six hundred years! Isn't it enough?'

'I guess it has to be…'

'All right then… Tell Fudge what you think of him…'

'Check. Sent him an owl -'

'Nicholas Flamel! Why the hell did you put _that_ on the list?'

'Because I think I have to do it. This is the perfect time. By the time he reads my letter I will be dead already,' Nicholas smiled. Pernelle sighed, not wondering if he would ever grow up, because she knew he would not.

'Make tea,' she read 'Check.'

The doorbell rang as she put down the list.

'That must be him,' Nicholas said.

Pernelle walked over to the door and opened it.

'Good afternoon,' she said 'I was beginning to worry you might get late.'

I AM NEVER LATE, said a voice that was rather felt than heard, I ALWAYS ARRIVE ON TIME.

'Would you like some tea?' the woman asked.

AH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MRS. FLAMEL. IT IS NICE TO FINALLY MEET SOMEBODY WHO HAS BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING ME.

'Oh, Nicholas and I have lived long enough,' she said as they entered the house 'And we are prepared for this.'

'Good to see you,' Nicholas greeted the guest 'I always wanted to discuss a few things with you.'

And the three of them sat own at the table.

XXX

Death rose from his seat as the last of the sand fell down in the two lifetimers.

I GUESS IT IS TIME, he said.

'Wait a moment,' Pernelle stopped him. She picked up the list again.

YOUR TIME HAS RAN OUT, Death reminded her I CANNOT WAIT MUCH LONGER.

'Oh, it is only one little thing,' she said looking at the list 'Wash the dishes,' she read.

'I guess we can use magic to make it faster,' Nicholas said, putting the teacups in the sink.

'Wonderful idea,' his wife said as the dishes began to magically wash themselves.

'Check,' she said cheerfully as she put the list down again.

ARE YOU READY? Death asked.

'Yes,' They both said.


	3. Sirius Black

_All right... I can already see all the 'He isn't dead' sort of reviews. I don't know if he's dead or not, but I don't think he's comming back, so let's assume he's dead. I'll miss him, but at least I know how this chapter should begin ;P_

_And I'm probably going to write about some characters who are still definately alive. (In fact I'm already working on Luna. Don't want her to die too soon, but Death comes to everyone.) It might take a while because I have to think about how they could die :P_

_II(:_

**3. Sirius**

Sirius Black had many problems. Nearly the whole world was out to get him. Most people believed that he was a murderer. And the worst thing about it was that the man he had supposedly killed was still alive. His mother had died about ten years ago and hadn't seen him for nearly twenty years, but it didn't stop her from yelling at him from a portrait at least three times a day. And he'd been stuck in a house he hated for nearly a year. At this particular moment, however, his biggest problem was Bellatrix Lestrange, standing in front of him, her wand pointing at him...

At least he was finally out of that horrible house. Of course, he would have preferred to simply go for a little walk, but after three years of hiding anyone would understand that it might not be the best idea… Well, you can't have everything. At least he knew he was doing something useful…

He dodged another curse. That wasn't really so difficult. They had fought before, and he had always been better at it than she was. So what if she used unforgivables? She missed anyway!

'Come on, you can do better than that!' he laughed at her.

And, to his surprise, she proved that she actually could. You should never underestimate your enemy. The spell that hit him didn't hurt much, but it did cause him to fall. Backwards. And falling backwards in a room as full of mysteries as this one is never good. Especially when there is a very mysterious veil behind you…

He fell. And fell. And went through the veil. And hit the floor. He didn't feel any different.

He got up quickly and ran back to the veil. There wasn't time for thinking about how it looked exactly the same from this side. There was a battle going on. But then, as he reached the veil, he felt a bony hand on his shoulder. He turned around to see whose hand it was. A Death Eater? An Auror? He wasn't sure what would be worse…

He thought he'd been prepared for the worst. But he had not expected _this_.

'What's going on?' he asked, and then he saw an hourglass in Death's hand and a dead body lying on the floor. His own body.

'Am I… Am I dead?' he asked.

YES. YOU ARE, Death answered.

'I can't go back there, can I?' he asked. He wasn't as afraid o dying as some other people, but nobody really _wants_ to die. Even when someone tries to kill themselves, some part of them still hopes to fail. And he had been killed after all.

I DO NOT THINK SO. UNLESS YOU BECOME A GHOST, BUT YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T LIKE IT.

'I guess I wouldn't. Nearly Headless Nick once told me…' he stopped. That's not the point! 'But they need me, you see,' he tried.

EVERYBODY LEAVES SOMETHING BEHIND, said Death reasonably, ALL THE TIME. IF YOU DIDN'T, THERE WOULD BE NO POINT IN LIVING.

'But… The duel…'

I AM AFRAID YOU LOST. SORRY.

'That's so unfair! Where is the justice?' he asked the question he had been dying to ask for the last fifteen years.

THERE IS NO JUSTICE, ONLY ME.(1)

'Damn. I should have known…'

* * *

(1) And JKR 


	4. Luna Lovegood

_Like I said, I'm going to use both the characters who are already dead, and those, who are not. I really don't want this to happen too soon, but when it does, this is what I think it will look like..._

**4. Luna**

She looked around and saw a 7-foot-tall skeleton in a black cloak. That was exactly what she saw, and what she thought she saw. She didn't need all the weird descriptions like 'The stranger was thin. _Very_ thin in fact…' She, unlike many other people, _knew_ what she saw. And when she saw something, she didn't bother to try not to believe it. Why imagine it isn't true. He really was there. He had he scythe and everything.

LUNA LOVEGOOD, he said. It wasn't a question. He knew. Everything.

'You are the Grim Reaper,' she said calmly. This wasn't a question either.

YES, I AM.

'I saw you when you came for my mum…'

AMAZING… he said.

'Why?'

USUALLY LIVING PEOPLE DO NOT SEE ME.

'What do you mean? How can they not see you?'

THEY SEE THE WORLD AS THEY THINK IT SHOULD BE, LOGICAL, REALISTIC, NOT AS IT IS.

'This is stupid!' Luna said.

THIS IS _HUMAN,_ Death answered.

'You might be right. I could never understand why they don't want to believe in all those amazing things. Like the Yeti…'

THE YETI?

'Or Crumple-Horned Snorcacks…'

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS SO UNBELIEVABLE ABOUT THEM, he said, ARE YOU READY? He asked.

'Wait. Where do I go now anyway?'

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

'Oh…' she understood. Nobody would ever tell her again that the things she believed were not real. Now they were 'Is my mum there?' she asked.

PROBABLY.

Suddenly Luna felt angry and sad, nearly like the day when her mother died. She just had to ask.

'Why did you have to take her so early?' she asked.

HER TIME RAN OUT, Death was very calm, as usual.

'But -'

IT DOES NOT DEPEND ON ME. I AM JUST DOING MY WORK. SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT.

'You _killed_ her!' she said furiously.

HUMAN BEINGS… Death sighed, FOR THE LAST TIME, he explained, I DO NOT _KILL_. I _AM_ DEATH.

She had to think for a moment to understand the difference. But she finally did. That's more than many other people manage. She calmed down.

'And I'm going to meet her again?' she asked.

YES.

'I knew it,' she said smiling.

Death cut the line between her body and her soul with his scythe.

'So this is the end,' Luna said as he began to fade.

YES AND NO…


	5. Vernon Dursley

_Ok, here's another one: Vernon Dursley dies of shock..._

**5. Vernon Dursley**

_Dear Granma & Grampa,_

_I got a Letter last week, it said I'm a Witch and I will go to a special school. Daddy was angry. He yelled at me, and then he told me to go to my room and yelled at somebody else on the phone. He's still acting a little weird, but I think it'll be OK._

_Yesterday I met Uncle Harry, Auntie Luna and Jimmy. Jimmy is going to the magic school too. He's a Wizard. So is Uncle Harry, but he says you already know that. Auntie Luna is very nice, but a little weird. Like the whole magical world, actually…_

_Anyway, they are taking me to this magic street tomorrow to buy all the stuff I need. I'll get a real magic wand and everything!_

_It's still a little weird and scary, but I think I'll get used to it._

_Love,_

_Daisy_

Vernon had to read the letter again. And again. Until he was finally sure it was real. 'No!' he thought desperately 'My little Daisy! Please, not her!' But the leter was still as real as it had been, still telling him that his granddaughter was going to grow up to be a _freak_. And Dudley was going to let her go! The freaks had probably forced him to let her. His little Daisy! A witch! No, this couldn't be real! Mr. Dursley's heart started to behave very strangely. He fell to the floor.

For a moment he thought he was dying. Dying of shock. Then he stood up and looked around. There was a stranger in his house! And a very strange stranger too. He was wearing a black cloak. With a hood. Looking as if it was made of darkness itself... no, no, no! Where had that thought come from? Vernon almost managed to ignore everything else, all the bones and even the scythe, but some things are really hard to ignore.

'Go away, you freak!' he told the _thing_ 'You do not exist!'

I AM AFRAID I DO, it said.

'You are just a figment of my imagination!'

INDEED? YOUR IMAGINATION? A FEW DAYS AGO YOU SAID YOU DID NOT HAVE ONE.

'HOW DARE YOU!' Mr. Dursley roared. (Just in case: Mr. Dursley's capslock shouting is not the same as Death's Voice. Death does not _need_ to shout.)

CALM DOWN, MR. DURSLEY, the figment of his imagination told him.

'How do you know my name?' Mr. Dursley asked suspiciously.

I KNOW EVERYBODY'S NAMES. Vernon desperately tried not to think that the stranger looked very real. Too real. More real, in fact, than Mr. Dursley himself.

IT IS PART OF MY JOB, he continued.

'What is going on here anyway?' Mr. Dursley did _not_ calm down 'What are you doing here? Is _that_ part of your job too?'

IT IS, the stranger said calmly

'What? Entering people's houses without permission? Trespassing?'

YOU CAN CALL IT THAT, the scythe in the stranger's bony hand was now impossible to ignore, I HAVE TO GET EVERYWHERE.

'Who the hell are you?' Vernon asked shocked, furious and frightened.

THE ULTIMATE REALITY…

Vernon wanted to say something, but everything happened too quickly. He saw himself on the floor, a line of blue light was cut with a scythe, and then…

He began to fade. You might think that someone like Vernon Dursley would go to hell after death. He didn't. When he realised what was happening to him, he closed his eyes, because he did not want to see it. All theories about where people go after they die are in some way correct. Everyone gets what they believe in. When Mr. Dursley opened his eyes, he was nowhere.


	6. Lord Voldemort

_I'm back! Sorry for not updating **Daisy** for so long. I know more or less what to write about, but I just can't get myself to write it. I still want to finish it, though. And here's something I think you all wanted to see: Voldy meets Death._

_II(:_

_PS. In case there's something you don't understand: this is my rather strange vision of the future. Neville meets Voldy before the Final Battle, they fight, he is injured and… marked in some way, which means the prophecy might have meant him. But nobody thinks of it like that. Until Harry dies and…_

**Voldemort (and Harry, but it's Voldie's POV)**

The fighting stopped. Wizards from the Dark and Light side alike were staring in shock at a dead body on the ground in front of him. It seemed that the Final Battle was over, and the so-called good guys were _not_ going to have their happy ending after all. Harry Potter, the Chosen One, saviour of the wizarding world, etc. was lying on the ground at Lord Voldemort's feet. Dead. Voldemort laughed. He had finally managed to get rid of the Golden Boy. He was invincible! Nobody could stop him now!

But suddenly a round-faced boy he recognized as the Longbottom kid started running towards him. Some other kid said something to him, apparently trying to stop him, but it did not work. With a cry of 'SCREW THE PROPHECY!' Longbottom jumped over Potter's body and attacked. Voldemort wondered if the foolish boy hadn't had enough after their last meeting. He had been badly injured after all… The Dark wizard was too shocked to move when a flash of green light appeared from the boy's wand. Voldemort fell to the ground.

TOM RIDDLE? said a voice behind him when he got up.

'No!' he screamed 'I am Lord Voldemort! Don't call me that filthy Muggle name!'

'Calm down, will you?' another voice told him 'It's all over anyway.'

And Voldemort was shocked to see Potter standing in front of him and looking rather amused.

'Over? What do you mean?' the Dark Lord asked 'And what are you doing here anyway? You are dead. I killed you!'

YOU DID, the stranger admitted, BUT…

'What the hell is going on here?' Voldemort demanded. Potter began to laugh a him.

'Isn't it obvious?' he said 'You're -'

'No!' Voldemort yelled 'I can't be dead! All my power… The Horcruxes…'

'What Horcruxes?' Potter asked grinning at him. Voldemort wished it was possible to kill a dead person again. Instead he looked down at himself. He realised that he was almost invisible, as his soul was in fact only a small part of a soul.

'Nooooo!' he screamed.

By the time he was done screaming Potter's soul was gone. (Probably saying hello to his parents at the gates of Heaven. Well, good for him. Lord Voldemort was _not_ about to follow him, though.) He was left alone with the stranger holding a scythe. There were, of course, other wizards around. Quite a lot of them in fact, but hardly anyone seemed to notice them. An hourglass appeared in the Grim Reaper's bony hand. It was quite big, but not big enough in Voldemort's opinion.

COME ON. IT IS TIME, Death said.

'Time for what? I'm not going anywhere!'

I AM AFRAID YOU CANNOT STAY HERE.

'Why the hell not?'

JUST LOOK AT YOURSELF. WERE YOU PLANNING TO BECOME A GHOST WITH A SOUL LIKE THAT?

And to Voldemort's horror, he was right. The Dark Lord's soul was maimed and diminished, hardly resambling a real ghost.

'But…' he stuttered 'But…'

He had been immortal for so many years. Now he was dead. There were so many things he had wanted to do and suddenly he had ran out of time.

IF YOU WERE TOO BUSY SEEKING IMMORTALITY TO LIVE YOUR LIFE, IT IS NOT MY PROBLEM.

The scythe cut the thin line of blue light and he began to fade. As six sevenths of him were already gone, it did not take long.


	7. Peter Pettigrew

_So here's another one. The last scene is pretty much the same as the one in **HP and the Spawn of Satan**, because I just couldn't imagine it being too different. _

**Wormtail**

It was quite ironic, really. Peter Pettigrew had killed over a dozen people and indirectly caused the deaths of many more. Why, if it wasn't for him, the whole damned second war might never have began! And he was never punished for it. Why? Because what he did later resulted in even more deaths, this time on the Death Eaters' side. He didn't feel sorry for most of them. They had been lunatics obsessed with the whole pureblood thing, which Peter really couldn't understand. One exception was Fenrir Greyback. He hadn't believed in the Cause either. He had his own cause that he did believe in, but, well, nobody's perfect. He was okay, really, when he wasn't going on about killing everyone who wasn't a werewolf for being a racist…

Anyway, why had Peter done that? Why had he switched sides _again_? Probably because Harry Potter had saved his life a few years earlier. Peter wasn't really a honest man, but a wizard's debt is as good as an Unbreakable Vow. Or as bad, actually. And the fact that he had never really been on anybody's side but his own might have been a factor too.

It was quite ironic, really, that he was even still alive. He, the one who really deserved to die. He now realized, that, even though he was still alive and free, and everything, he hadn't really got away with anything. He _would_ always be remembered as The Man Who Betrayed Everyone.

And it was _really_ ironic, that he, the guy who had always valued his own life over everything else, currently hated his life and wanted to die.

XXX

The rope tightened around his neck. It hurt. He couldn't breathe. Why hadn't he chosen something less painful?

XXX

SQUEAK, said something under his feet. He looked down at it. It was a tiny figure in a black cloak, holding a miniature scythe in its hand.

'Is that it?' Peter asked.

SQUEAK, it said.

He was not surprised that he understood everything the thing was trying to tell him.

'Why are you… er… so small?' he asked.

SQUEAK, it said as if it was supposed to be obvious.

'Hey! What do you mean -?'

SNH, SNH, SNH.

'What's so funny? I'm _dying_ here and you're laughing at me!'

SQUEAK.

'So what happens to me now?' he asked as the little scythe cut him off from his hanging body.

SQUEAK! EEEK, EEK, SQUEAK, the small creature said irritably.

'B-back to my real shape?' Peter stuttered 'Wha-what do you mean?'

SQUEAK, it explained.

Wormtail transformed for the last time.

'Squeak?' he said timidly, and he followed the Death of Rats to some kind of rodent hell. It was quite ironic, really…


	8. Albus Dumbledore

**Dumbledore**

He let Draco disarm him. He didn't expect the boy might kill him. He had tried before, and he hadn't tried hard enough. It wasn't really as difficult as people seemed to think. Although many refused to believe it, Albus Dumbledore was only a man. _A tired, old man, for Merlin's sake!_ If he was still alive, it meant the one trying to kill him had not _wanted_ to succeed. And now Draco was standing in front of him, with a wand pointing straight at the old man's heart and… talking. Just talking. Putting off firing the Killing Curse, as though it was a particularly unpleasant bit of homework. Draco, Dumbledore thought, was a good person, deep down inside, and if a good person doesn't kill you right away, they never will. Perhaps there was even a chance…

XXX

He heard loud footsteps of somebody running up the stairs, and a moment later four more people arrived at the top of the tower. He knew them, of course. Three of them had been his students once. The fourth one… well, that's a long story… Of course, the Headmaster would have preferred to meet his old students under different circumstances. He would have preferred to see them make different choices in life.

He felt quite sorry for those people. Like Fenrir Greyback for example. The poor man really believed that _what_ he was determined _who_ he was! This was, of course, pure nonsense. Unless you believed it, that is. Belief could make it painfully true. And many of Voldemort's supporters believed in it. Dumbledore believed that it was their weakness. He spread this belief among his own supporters, hoping that they could make it so.

They wouldn't kill him, either. Fenrir wanted to, but the others had stopped him. It was Draco's job. They seemed to believe it might upset Voldemort if someone else did it instead. It probably wouldn't, he just wanted Dumbledore out of the way, that's all. How silly of them.

And even if he died now, it didn't really bother him that much. He had done what he had to. He had done what he could. Everything was up to other people now, anyway. He was just an old man, quite useless, except for his knowledge, which he had passed on to others. Oh, they _said_ he was the most powerful wizard alive. He might have been. But he was _still_ just an old man. They _said_ he was the only one Voldemort was afraid of. He probably was. But that only meant Voldemort was frightened of an old man. The trick was to let people say those things until they _believed_ them, to give them something, or someone, to believe. But now they could believe in the young hero he had trained.

XXX

'Severus… please…'

Ah, Severus. A good man, even if he won't admit it. No_ "Bwahaha! Guess what I'm going to do now? I'm going to kill you!"._ Just '_Avada Kedavra!_'

Albus Dumbledore's body fell down from the tower. Albus Dumbledore himself did not.

'So this is the end?' he asked.

YES, Death confirmed.

'What a pity,' Dumbledore said 'I still had some things left to do.'

WE COULD TRY TO PLAY SOME KIND OF GAME FOR YOUR LIFE, Death suggested helpfully, NOONE EVER WINS, BUT MANY PEOPLE TRY.

'No, no. It is fine. You know, to a well-organized mind death is just another great adventure(1)…'

For a moment they watched in silence, as the group of Death Eaters ran down the stairs, followed by Harry. Dumbledore smiled as the boy hit one of them with a _Petrificus Totalus_.

'He's good, isn't he?' the Headmaster said, as he began to fade away.

* * *

(1) Contrary to popular belief, this does _not_ mean a mind that makes plans. Poor old Professor Binns had the kind of mind that made plans. He had never had any great adventures in his life _or_ in his afterlife. He also refused to believe that he was dead. 


	9. Ignotus Peverell

_Warning: from now on the chapters might contain DH spoilers._

_Also, I liked the Tale of the Three Brothers. Of course, it makes it a little harder to fit a Death who speaks in capital letters into the story, but it's also quite inspiring. And in the next chapter (Xeno Lovegood, probably) I think it will start to make sense._

_II(:_

**Ignotus Peverell **

Ignotus Peverell folded the Cloak neatly, hid it carefully under a loose floorboard(1) and stepped out of his house without it for the first time in years. He was ready now. He had had enough. You couldn't keep on hiding forever. It got _boring_ after a hundred years or so.

Ignotus looked around. In the far corner of the garden the Grim Reaper stood looking impatiently at what appeared to be an hourglass.

FINALLY, he said, ARE YOU READY?

'Yes,' Ignotus replied '_Happy?_'

QUITE. YOU HAVE USED YOUR GIFT WELL.

'I'm not going to give it back,' Ignotus said fiercely 'I'm leaving it to my son!'

AS YOU WISH, Death agreed. It was too easy. Ignotus looked at him suspiciously.

'What are you up to this time?' he asked.

EXCUSE ME?

'I _know_ you!' Ignotus said 'I might have been hiding, but I know what you did to my brothers!'

Death shrugged.

I GAVE THEM WHAT THEY ASKED ME FOR, DIDN'T I? he said.

'You _killed_ them!'

I DO NOT KILL, Death told him, LIFE DOES. AND SOMETIMES PEOPLE'S OWN STUPIDITY.

'Who are you calling stupid? They escaped you once!'

AND YET, Death said calmly, THEY MADE A MISTAKE. AND ANYWAY, I CLAIMED THEM IN THEIR DUE TIME. SPEAKING OF WHICH… Death glanced at the hourglass again.

'What is this?' Ignotus asked.

YOUR LIFE, Death explained as the last grain of sand fell down in the third brother's lifetimer.

'All right, all right. I'm coming.'

* * *

(1) Whenever something needs to be hidden, it is always put under a loose floorboard. Nobody ever bothers to look there, possibly because no-one would ever hide anything important in such an obvious place, would they? 


	10. Xenophilius Lovegood

_Here is Mr Lovegood's chapter. Yes, there really are Crumple-Horned Snorcacks. _

_About Ignotus: I'm not sure how much he cares about his brothers (although I don't think he didn't care _at all_), but he doesn't want to be outwitted like they were._

_About Snape: He might be next. I've got a couple of nice ideas for him._

II(:

**Xeno Lovegood **

Hidden behind a bush, Xenophilius Lovegood lifted the camera to his eyes, careful not to make a sound. This was it. Finally, after all those years of being treated like a lunatic, a chance to take a really good picture of a Crumple-Horned Snorcack and prove its existence to the world. Steady now, wait until it turns around. What a beautiful front page this was going to make! The Snorcack raised its head and turned it strait at Xeno's bush, its sensitive nostrils twitching nervously. This was it! Xeno pushed the button on his camera. The Snorcack lowered its head again, but it did not continue eating the grass. It sniffed again and Xeno knew it was aware of his presence. Maybe if he keeps still and silent for a moment it will ignore him? But no. The secret behind the Snorcacks' ability not to be noticed is that they can _hear_ the sound of something trying not to make a sound and know it means trouble. The secret behind their ability to survive even after they _were_ noticed is their horns. And now, all of a sudden, the Snorcack's huge horn was aimed straight at Xeno's bush and moving closer at an alarming speed, followed by the rest of the Snorcack.

XXX

A moment later Xeno sat up and looked around. He was relieved to see that his camera was not damaged. After a moment he realized that his body was. He had managed to avoid the horn, but being trampled by an angry Snorcack can also be quite deadly.

XENOPHILIUS LOVEGOOD? A voice said. It belonged to a tall hooded figure with a scythe in its hand. Xeno stared at it in disbelief.

'It's all _true_?' he asked. Other people might say Xeno Lovegood believed in many stramge things, but he was quite aware that one should not trust a legend _entirely_.

A LOT OF IT IS, Death replied. Someone else might have asked again, but Xeno thought being trampled to death by a mythical creature was enough proof.

'Do I have to go?' he asked instead.

YES.

'But… my Luna,' he said 'What will my Luna do without me? She will be all alone!'

IT IS INDEED VERY SAD, Death admitted, BUT THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT.

'But you don't even _care_, do you?' Xeno accused 'You didn't care when you took my wife and you don't care now! But I should have known,' he added bitterly 'Even in _fairytales_ you are always unfair.'

YOU ARE WRONG, Death said YOU SEE, BIDDLE HAD A LITTLE… ARGUMENT WITH ME DURING A NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE. HIS STORIES TEND TO BE A LITTLE BIASED.

'Oh, do they? Then why do you come too early so often?'

IT IS LIFE THAT IS UNFAIR, NOT ME, Death explained PEOPLE CAN'T ALL _LIVE_ EQUALLY LONG, BUT THEY ALL GET THE SAME AMOUNT OF _DEATH_. THERE IS NO JUSTICE, he said, BUT I'M DOING MY BEST.

'But,' Xeno asked again 'will my Luna manage without me?' His daughter meant everything to him. The Snorcack could return for all he cared and destroy the only proof of its existence and the work of his life, as long as _she _remained safe.

Death thought about it. He reached into his robes and produced an hourglass. Most of the sand was still in the upper half. For a moment Xenophilius stared at the sand that was his daughter's life. He let out a sigh.

'So, where do I go now?' he asked.

IT IS TIME TO SEE FOR YOURSELF, Death replied, swinging his scythe And Xenophilius Lovegood set off into the Unknown, looking around with the frantic curiosity of a Japanese tourist who forgot to bring a camera.


	11. Severus Snape

_Aaand here's Snape. Not the most cheerful thing I've written, but Death is doing his best, right?_

_II(:_

**Snape **

'I regret it,' the Dark Lord said. Then he turned away, took Nagini and left.

'Like hell you do… bastard,' Snape muttered almost inaudibly. Good famous last words. Pity no-one was there to hear them. He pressed his hand to the wound on his neck, even though he knew it was pointless. Even if he could stop the bleeding, he could practically feel the snake's venom spread all over his body. All he could do now was wonder how it would all turn out. Dumbledore's plan. The Dark Lord's plan. Old Dumbledore hadn't seen _this_ coming. Or had he? There were so many things Snape hadn't been told. Was this a part of the plan? Dumbledore, you bastard. The Dark Lord too, of course. Bastards, both of them. Both causes seemed equally ridiculous to Snape. And yet, there he was, dying for both of them. Not for the Greater Good, but for the lesser evil.

And suddenly he saw someone else in the room. Potter. Great. Just his luck. But when you've lost a lot of blood, your thoughts tend to wander in strange ways. Potter, Snape thought right now, was in a situation very much like his own. He deserved to know. Snape grabbed the front of the boy's robes.

'Take it… Take it…' he tried to say, but wasn't sure how much of it was understood. And he gave him his memories, because he couldn't let the truth die with him. For the first time in ages, he told someone _everything_.

'Look… at… me…' he whispered. Potter did. For once, his green eyes really resembled his mother's: there was no hate in them any more.

AHEM… said someone Snape hadn't noticed before. When he did notice him, everything else became suddenly unimportant. Potter was still staring at him, at Hogwarts, Voldemort was being dramatic again, it was like a different world now.

'I'm dead?' Snape asked looking up.

I'M AFRAID SO.

'Did I deserve to die?' He didn't know why he asked this, but he suddenly needed to know.

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, EVERYONE DOES.

'You're not helping,' Snape said reproachfully. Hell, he reflected, was probably just your own conscience bothering you for eternity.

SORRY. BUT I CANNOT TELL YOU THAT. I AM NOT HERE TO JUDGE YOU.

'Most people aren't,' Snape observed 'and they do anyway. And they don't even know all the facts.'

HUMAN NATURE IS AN AMAZING THING, ISN'T IT?

'Try _annoying_,' Snape replied, thinking about just how _human_ his own nature was.

'Er…' he said uncertainly.

YES?

'Do you think she's forgiven me?' he asked 'Lily Evans,' he added as an afterthought. Death didn't seem to be reading his mind, but he couldn't bring himself to say 'Lily _Potter_'. He still resented his best friend having married his worst enemy.

I DON'T KNOW. SORRY.

Snape hoped she had. She had forgiven him many times before. He had never had another friend like this. Obviously. Slytherins were not supposed to have _friends_. They had _allies_. But that's human nature for you. This was probably what fascinated people in Voldemort. The man _wasn't_ human. And this was what attracted them to Dumbledore. Because he _was_.(1) And this was all there was to it. But just out of curiosity…

'You don't know how this will end, do you?'

WITH A LOT OF WORK FOR ME, I SUPPOSE, Death said truthfully. Most things did, sooner or later.

'So you don't know?'

FOR YOU IT _IS_ OVER.

Snape thought about it.

'Good,' he said. Of course, it was a pity that death was the only way out of it, but you couldn't have everything.

* * *

(1) Of course, he was also a sneaky, manipulating bastard, but he'd always believed it was all for some kind of Greater Good (2) and _somehow_ he'd made things _work_. 

(2) Snape considered this a flaw that made the old headmaster human.


	12. Alastor Moody

_I haven't updated this for a while. But I'm not dead yet. And not out of ideas, either. Anyway, here's another chapter. Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody, the paranoid old Auror and some of his many encounters with Death._

_II(:_

**Moody**

Junior Auror Alastor Moody looked up. He wasn't sure what was going on. He knew he'd been badly injured and then, he was almost sure, he'd passed out. And now, he was almost sure, the fight was not over yet, but he felt like it was happening somewhere else. And who the hell was standing over him, wearing black robes and what he could only _hope _was a white mask. Another Dark wizard? Moody reached for his wand, which was lying on the ground near his hand. But the black-robed figure wasn't attacking him or anything. And what's with the scythe?

'Who are you?' It was probably a dumb question, but it was the best Moody could think of at the moment. A moment later it hit him. 'Oh Merlin…'

WRONG.

'I know,' Moody said 'It's just… Am I really dead?'

NOT YET, said the Grim Reaper.

'But I _will_ be, right?'

OF COURSE, Death said, EVERYONE –

'_Now_?'

POSSIBLY.

'What?! _Possibly_?! What kind of answer it that?'

IT MEANS THERE IS SUCH A POSSIBILITY, Death explained, BUT IT IS NOT CERTAIN.

'Oh Merlin,' Moody sighed.

NO, Death said, MERLIN IS _DEAD_. I AM _DEATH_. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.

'But what're you doing here,' Moody asked 'if you don't even know if I'm dying?'

IT IS CALLED A NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE, Death said.

When Moody woke up some time later, he decided to be _very_ careful all the time for the rest of his life, in order not to have another one.

XXX

'You again?'

This had happened before. It happened a lot when you were an Auror. Not even Constant Vigiliance could prevent it.

I'M AFRAID SO, said Death.

'Is this it then?' Moody asked 'I'm gonna bleed to death?'

POSSIBLY.

'I figured out _that_ much.' The Auror was getting irritated. ' Just _tell_ me already! I haven't got all day!'

THAT IS NOT FOR YOU TO DECIDE, Death said calmly, YOU ARE UNCONSCIOUS RIGHT NOW. THERE ISN'T MUCH YOU CAN DO.

'Well then, don't _you_ have anything else to do? I'm pretty sure I got that Death Eater before he got me.'

He opened his eyes. He was at st. Mungo's. He'd made it again.

XXX

It didn't even hurt. It _had_ hurt for a moment, when the curse hit him and then again, when he hit the ground, but it didn't hurt any more. This was odd. Moody tried to look around with his magical eye, but he seemed to have lost it. Damn. He sat up and realized he shouldn't be _able_ to sit up with all those broken bones. Oh no. Not _again_.

The Grim Reaper looked down at Moody. Moody looked up at the Grim Reaper.

'You _again?_'

YES.

'Is this - ' Moody hesitated. They'd had this conversation so many times. 'No!' he said 'I won't fall for that again!'

YOU WON'T, Death agreed, I DARESAY YOU'VE FALLEN ENOUGH ALREADY.

'Very funny,' said Moody, his tone of voice indicating complete lack of sense of humor.

IT ISN'T, Death admitted, UNFORTUNATELY, IT HAPPENS TO BE TRUE.

Moody turned around (He was starting to really miss his magical eye.) to look at his body lying on the ground. It was mostly a bloody mess. He didn't recognize some parts of it. They probably weren't meant to be seen.

'Oh,' he said.

YES. SORRY.


	13. Lily and James Potter

_I aten't dead yet ;) I'm just busy. I think some people wanted to see Lily and James. I finally decided to try. _

_Also, I've added some footnotes in the Snape chapter._

_II(:_

**Lily and James Potter (and Voldemort, sort of, only not really) **

There was a flash of green light and rushing sound that someone might compare to Death on invisible wings(1) and James Potter fell to the floor. As deaths went this wasn't a bad one, really. He got up and looked down at the body that had until a few seconds ago been him. Then he turned to see Lord Voldemort walk past the body and up the stairs to the room where James's wife and son were hiding. There was nothing he could do. He should have defended himself, even though death was inevitable, just to give them a little more time. But it was too late now.

JAMES POTTER? a voice said. James turned around. He _had_ looked Death in the face before, but never quite so… literally. It was easier to be brave when it was only a metaphor. And yet he wasn't really _frightened_. This probably had something to do with not having a body, although James wasn't sure, since they there had been no Biology classes at Hogwarts.

'Yes,' he said 'That's me.' He hesitated a little before asking 'What's going to happen now?'

WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE? Death asked.

'Oh,' James said 'That's… er… nice. And what's going to happen to _them_?' he asked.

Death reached into his black cloak and produced what looked like an hourglass. He looked at it for a moment.

I'M AFRAID I STILL HAVE SOME WORK TO DO HERE.

'Not Harry and Lily,' James said 'Please, don't take them!'

He had died to save them. He had sacrificed himself so that they could live. If they die now –

There was a noise from upstairs. A woman's scream and a baby's cry.

I'M SORRY, Death said.

'You bastard!'

I'M JUST DOING MY WORK, Death said apologetically I DON'T KILL AND I DON'T SAVE LIVES.

James followed him upstairs.

XXX

THIS IS MOST UNUSUAL.

It certainly was. Three bewildered ghosts hovered above the ruins of the house. Baby Harry was still screaming and, more importantly, still _alive_. Two of the four lifetimers were now filled with a blue light.

'What's going on?' the ghost of Lord Voldemort asked indignantly 'Why isn't the boy dead?'

The Potters and Death ignored him. Lily looked over the Grim Reaper's shoulder at the lifetimers.

'Both of them?' she said.

SO IT WOULD SEEM, Death replied.

'What about the prophecy? Didn't it say one of them must die?'

THEY BOTH WILL, Death said EVERYONE DOES. NOT TONIGHT, THOUGH.

'I will _not_!' Voldemort exclaimed 'I cannot die!' he declared. The fact that he currently appeared to be dead did not seem to bother him much.

ABOUT THAT, MR. RIDDLE, Death said, finally turning his attention to the Dark Lord, YOU DO REALISE THAT YOUR BODY HAS BEEN DESTROYED, DON'T YOU?

Voldemort was too shocked and angry to even notice what he had just been called.

'Do you really think this can stop me?' he hissed 'You cannot take me! I've got six Horcruxes!' he shouted. Lily and James gasped at this point. 'I am _immortal_!'

Death glanced once again at the lifetimer labeled 'T. M. RIDDLE'.(2)

AH, he said, THAT EXPLAINS IT. ALTHOUGH IT WOULD BE MORE PRECISE TO SAY YOU ARE BOUND TO EARTH.

'I don't care what it's _called_! I can't die!'

I AM AFRAID THIS IS GOING TO BE A SAD, POINTLESS EXISTANCE, Death warned him, BUT I SUPPOSE IT _COULD_ BE ARRANGED –

'I'm not _going_ anywhere!' Voldemort screamed, and with that he glided away. He would have stomped, but that's a bit difficult when you are several feet above the ground and don't have a body.

I WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP, Death said innocently, NOW, WHERE WAS I? He turned back to Mr. and Mrs. Potter. AH, YES. ARE YOU READY?

'Do we have a choice?' James asked.

NOT REALLY.

'At least we're going together,' Lily tried to comfort her husband 'And Harry's going to be all right, isn't he? We saved him.'

YES, Death agreed as the light in Harry Potter's lifetimer turned into something that resembled slightly bluish sand. He swung his scythe twice and the ghosts began to fade.

* * *

(1) Although Death himself normally prefers to appear silently a moment before he is needed and his usual means of transport is, in fact, a horse. 

(2) Probably in order to annoy Voldemort.


End file.
